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by tickerbee (cherefleur)



Category: DRAMAtical Murder
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, M/M, One-Sided Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-08
Updated: 2014-09-08
Packaged: 2018-02-16 14:38:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2273487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cherefleur/pseuds/tickerbee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He loves Koujaku too much to tell him that the old Aoba is long gone.</p>
            </blockquote>





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**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by Julia Nune’s “Comatose.” [Listen to it here.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s41Jx5sLt1w)

“What?”

“I love you,” Koujaku repeated, this time with more force.

Aoba was frozen; the moment he had feared had finally come. It had been an attractive prospect at first: ready-made boyfriend, no setup required! But Koujaku wasn’t interested in _him_ , he was interested in that other Aoba, the one Koujaku had grown up with, the one whose grandmother loved him. The Aoba who was long gone.

Red eyes looked at him expectantly.

“I-I love you, too.” Koujaku’s face lit up, and Aoba tried to ignore the pained voice in his head telling him that this was wrong, this wasn’t what he had wanted. “Hippo.”

But Koujaku’s hands were cupping his face, and it was so easy to lean into the kiss. After a moment, Koujaku gently pushed and rolled them until Aoba was on his back. He pushed the hair out of Aoba’s eyes. “Is this okay?”

_It’s not right._

“I--yeah, I guess.” Koujaku grinned again, and Aoba almost couldn’t bear it. He turned his head, but Koujaku just took it as an invitation to kiss his neck.

Aoba tried to relax into the feeling of soft lips on his neck and hands sliding up his chest. After a moment, Koujaku sat back and motioned for Aoba to remove his shirt. He hesitated, but quickly acquiesced. If Koujaku couldn’t see that he wasn’t the same Aoba, wasn’t _his_ Aoba, then he wasn’t going to have any regrets about this. Or at least, he was going to try.

His partner showered his body with kisses, pausing to tongue at his nipples. Aoba squirmed at the attention. “Oi, that’s--” Koujaku glanced up, his eyes shining in amusement. They both knew how sensitive his body was. Aoba huffed, frustrated.

Koujaku surged forward to capture his lips in a kiss, and pushed Aoba back into the pillows once more. His fingers made quick work of Aoba’s jeans, and soon he was pulling away to strip them both completely.

When he returned to the bed, Koujaku set himself between Aoba’s thighs. Aoba refused to meet his gaze, choosing instead to focus on his own arousal, the only reason he was still in this damned apartment. Or at least, that’s what he told himself.

“All right?”

“Mm.”

“Hey.” Long fingers at his chin made him look up. Aoba immediately wished he hadn’t; Koujaku’s beatific face was almost too much to bear. He leaned in to kiss him, to distract him, but stopped just before his lips. Aoba breathed him in. The stupid Kenzo cologne he always wore was familiar, comforting. “You’re acting so strange tonight; are you sure you're all right?”

Aoba felt as if he were caught in a maelstrom. He was so close to having what he wanted, but how could he stand it when Koujaku’s eyes searched for some other Aoba inside of him every damned day?

_Just get it over with_.

“Yeah,” he said, hushed, and let himself fall back to the bed. He stared up at the ceiling as Koujaku fumbled for lube and pressed a finger to his entrance. He was trying to be gentle, but his eagerness had him moving faster than he probably intended. Aoba closed his eyes and tried to focus on just the feeling of it. The burn was a nice distraction.

Koujaku was careful stretching him, but Aoba wished he would hurry up. Finally, _finally_ , after too many fingers and too much lube, he seemed to be satisfied.

“Aoba?"

“It’s fine.” Koujaku pulled his hand back, fingers wet. He moved to stroke Aoba’s hair once more, but thankfully caught himself.

Koujaku laughed sheepishly, and Aoba wondered not for the first time how he had managed to fall for such an utter _dork._ He sighed and, unable to help a small smile, tangled his fingers in Koujaku’s, lube and all.

“Ah, that’s not--“

Aoba lightly flicked Koujaku’s forehead with sticky fingers. “It’s _fine_. Just get going, already.”

He didn’t fight the happy sigh that escaped when Koujaku started to push in. Once Aoba felt Koujaku’s pelvis bump against his, he looked up again at Koujaku’s face. He was waiting for Aoba to say something, to say that they could continue, but Aoba knew he was looking for signs of _him_ , too.

“I love you,” he said, unable to help himself. He rose onto his elbows to kiss the fucking dork.

Slowly, Koujaku started to move, pulling almost all the way out before thrusting deeply. Aoba’s chest burned with guilt as Koujaku stared at him in something like wonderment.

_No._

He had expected a fuck, maybe a little sappy, but nothing too unusual. This had him too exposed; the day would come when Koujaku realized his mistake, that Aoba was only ever an imposter. Until then, he needed to be on his guard.

Aoba tried turning his face and closing his eyes. The improvement was minimal.

_I can’t do this if you’re kind._

Something inside him was threatening to break.

Aoba threw his arms around Koujaku’s neck and brought him closer in desperation, not wanting to see that misplaced warmth in his eyes. Koujaku continued to rock into him gently, and Aoba closed his eyes to fight back tears. This was too much. He wanted to stop. A sob escaped his lips, but Koujaku hushed him with a kiss.

“Aoba,” he murmured, “Aoba.”

_I’m not him_.

“Please,” Aoba whispered. _Please don’t._

“Koujaku, please!” he said, stronger. With a shift of the hips, he tried to thrust up into Koujaku’s movements. Koujaku dropped his head with a groan and began to move faster.

“I love you,” he gasped into Aoba’s hair. “Aoba!”

_Don’t say it_.

Maintaining the pace was too difficult with Aoba’s arms around Koujaku’s neck, so he dropped back down to brace his hands against the wall behind his head. It was hard to ignore the intense look on Koujaku’s face, but the strain in his thighs from the change gave him something new to focus on.

Aoba could feel the heat in his belly starting to rise already. He gasped when a wet hand wrapped around his cock and started to jerk roughly.  “Tell me when you’re close,” Koujaku begged. Aoba met his eyes and felt trapped by the emotion he saw there.

Cheeks burning, Aoba grabbed Koujaku’s neck with one hand and pulled him into a rough kiss. Their shared fervor was easier than the tender lovemaking, closer to the desperate turmoil he was feeling inside.

Koujaku’s quick, shallow thrusts were rubbing that spot inside him just right. He could feel the pressure inside him building quickly.

“Mmph, Koujaku.” Aoba pulled away slightly. “Koujaku, I’m close.”

Koujaku groaned and snapped his hips harder. His hand groped wildly for Aoba’s, and, upon finding it, held it tightly.

In the end, it was the sight of Koujaku, brows knit in concentration, that sent Aoba over the edge. He sprang like a bow, arching up into Koujaku’s hold, and he nearly cried from relief.

Koujaku’s head dropped to the crook of Aoba’s neck. His hips kept moving for a few more beats before he pressed in hard and came with a muffled shout of Aoba’s name.

As his breathing settled, Koujaku lifted himself off of Aoba and rolled to the side. He was quiet for so long, Aoba wondered if he had fallen asleep.

His head throbbed.

Aoba raised a hand to his temple and noticed his cheeks were wet. Ugh, not again. He quickly rubbed the tears from his eyes and rolled to face the wall. Gentle arms came to embrace him from behind. Koujaku kissed his neck and buried his head into Aoba’s hair. “I love you,” he said, “so much.”

The familiar numbness was already setting in again. Aoba stared out into the darkness, already knowing that sleep wouldn’t come easily.

“Yeah.” _I love you, too_.

**Author's Note:**

> Reminder that sex IRL must be safe, sane, and consensual. If you doubt your partner's consent (e.g., if they're feeling pressured to have sex), stop!


End file.
